Sanctuary in the Asylum
by The Romanticidal Edwardian
Summary: In a world where werewolves and vampires live, why not demons? A demon stabs Bella, and makes her believe she's in a mental institution, and her life in Forks is just her imagination. But is that really just a delusion? PostEclipse. Review please!
1. Demon

**Disclaimer: -sigh- I don't own Twilight or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any plots I may have gotten from it.**

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Cold wind blew against me as I walked a short ways into the woods near my house. It was midsummer, but it sure didn't feel like it. A little farther along the path, to a point where my house was just out of sight, I sighed and sat down on a conveniently fallen big tree branch. It was Sunday, which meant that Charlie was at work, and all the Cullens had decided to go hunting. I smiled slightly to myself as I thought of Edward's cold strong arms wrapped around me, so tightly I knew he didn't really want to go and leave me, and his good-bye kiss that was passionate and loving. Though, of course, marred slightly by the fact that his eyes were almost a deep onyx when he pulled away, and the shadows under his eyes more bruise like. And now, I couldn't even go to La Push. Jacob, no doubt, didn't want to see me, and I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to stand seeing him again...not after the pain I'd caused.

I was alone. Days like these happened before, obviously, but today felt strange for some reason. I wondered why that was. A cold wind blew sharper again, and I shuddered, my teeth chattering a bit being the only sound that broke the silence.

Silence.

I realized suddenly why I felt even more alone than usual on days like this. In these woods, there was always something magically ominous in the air that muffled sounds, and made it darker. But there was still always _something_. The slight snapping of a twig as a squirrel scampered across the foliage, or the quick note of blue jay, rustling the leaves above as it took off in flight. But that was gone today. Another shudder ran through my body, but it had nothing to do with the cold.

I stood up abruptly, prepared to head back to the house. I knew it was nothing, but I didn't like this feeling that something was off.

And something _was_ off. I realized that when a sound broke the silence suddenly. I could hear someone walking across the thick foliage, not too far away, but off the path and hidden in the dense greenery. It definitely wasn't anyone I knew, because the people I knew walked silently. And they most certainly never _walked_ anywhere, not really. And it sounded like only two feet; definitely not an animal.

I knew my response to the sound was unreasonable. It was probably just a lost (_very_ lost) hiker with a light step. Or maybe it _was _an animal, and I was just overreacting. But my logical reasoning wasn't making the hairs that were standing up on the back of my neck disappear.

"He - Hello?" I stammered, not very loud, but the sound seemed magnified in the thick forest. The shuffling feet stopped, and from the sound of it they were very close, but still hidden behind a tree or something.

"Who...Who's there?" I asked again, my shaking voice slightly, demeaning the strength I meant to resonate in it.

And that's when the thing stepped out from behind a tree, not five yards away from me. I meant to scream, but my mouth choked up around it.

I didn't know _what_ it was. It's head was waxy looking, and perfectly round. As were it's huge, bulbous black eyes with no whites showing, that were as big as saucers, and glistening. It's hands were also waxy and veiny looking, with a small hole visible in the middle knuckle of it's right hand. Both it's hands were clenched in fists. That was all I could see of it's body, as the rest was wrapped up in a big, billowy black cloak. I didn't know what it was remotely, but the first word that flashed across my mind was _demon._ Through the waves of fear flooding through me, I thought I felt the slight squirming of annoyance. Was _any_ myth or legend fake here? Not only were there vampires and werewolves in this world, but now there were _demons_!? Fate must've been real bored one day.

The thing was snarling slightly, it's lips (barely visible, as they blended in perfectly with the rest of it's face) glistening with some saliva or liquid. All in all, the thing was revolting, and made the nausea caused by the fear even worse.

My throat may have closed up (not that there was anyone around to help anyway), but thankfully terror hadn't frozen my legs as well. I spun on my heel and started pelting toward whatever safety four walls and a phone could provide. Though somewhere in my mind, I knew it was no use.

But that thought could've just been because the next thing I knew, the creature's snarling was right behind me, with a waxy hand grabbing my shoulder and turning me around, before punching me in the face and sending me spiraling toward the ground.

I cried out in pain, but willed myself to not be distracted. On the ground, I kicked out as hard as I could, and met the collision of my foot to the demon's cloaked chest. I was relieved when it stumbled backyard a few yards, visibly staggered. At least demons weren't as resilient to humans as werewolves and vampires. At least, not _this_ demon. And while it tried to right itself, I scrambled to my feet after quickly grabbing a formidable looking branch of the ground near me.

"Let's see what you got," I muttered as the demon advanced toward me again. It swung out a fist but I ducked, before jabbing it in the stomach. It stumbled back, just a few feet this time, but I thought it looked winded. I swung out of the branch again and hit it's head, knocking _it_ to the ground. In the back of my mind, I couldn't help but feel a little sense of accomplishment; of pleasure. For once, _for once_, I was being the hero. Or at least, not being nearly so much the helpless victim as I usually was. I could get used to that.

It didn't last long though. The demon got to it's feet again faster than I expected, and sent a high kick in my direction. How it managed it in those robes, I didn't know, but what I did know was that suddenly I was spinning round and round, trying to keep my balance, and ignore the pain not only in my face from the first punch, but now in my chest as well.

"Oh!" I cried, as the spinning stopped, but only because the demon was behind me again, one arm around my neck. Struggling to breathe, I glanced down to it's arm that wasn't holding me, and nearly collapsed with fright as I saw a long, pale spike suddenly eject itself from the hole in it's middle knuckle. Next thing I knew, it was plunging it into my arm. I screamed with pain, but somehow, it wasn't because a demon was stabbing me with it's sting.

It's because a _human_ man, in white clinical scrubs was sticking a needle in my arm, in the exact same spot as the demon, while another man in identical scrubs held both my arms to keep me still. I was shaking violently, and fighting, screaming, trying to get away. I did _not_ want these men putting any kind of needle in me, but I was up against a corner. I struggled, and I felt tears prick the corner of my eyes, and all around me was confusion.

"She's gonna break the needle!" cried the man that was trying to hold my arms still. "We're going to have to strap her down."

While I continued to fight, my head straining against the wall behind me, as if I could sink into it and away from these men, my eyes took in the rest of my room. I didn't know how I knew it was mine, but I did know I'd been here a long time, and this was routine. These men were going to take me to the clinically white, sterile bed and strap me down like they always did when I had these fits. And all around me, would be the same whiteness, the same sterility, the same clinic feel that was meant for the patients here.

Because that's where I was, and had been for years now.

A mental institution.

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Hey guys! Just so you know, I _did_ get this idea off of the awesome show, 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer', from the episode 'Normal Again'. So if anyone has ever seen that episode, and is thinking 'Hey, this plot, and even the _dialogue_ that's going to be coming up is mysteriously similar to that one episode!' just know it's because I was watching it and immediately thought it would be the most awesome plot for a Twilight story.

Also, this story was originally just going to be a one-shot, but I decided to break it into chapters because there are certain moments where I think that's necessary for maximum impact. Like right here, for example. But that's also why I'm planning on finishing the whole thing tonight. Review please!

-**The Romanticidal Edwardian**


	2. Dazed

**Disclaimer: -sigh- I don't own Twilight, or Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and any plots I might've gotten from it).**

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The first thing I noticed when I regained consciousness was that whatever I was laying on was very cold. I moaned a shook my head very slightly, before blearily opening my eyes. I was on the ground of the forest again, at the very beginning of the path. I could see my house from here. Groaning, I pushed myself up into a sitting position slowly. The demon wasn't here anymore, that I could see too. I looked down at my arm, frowning. There was a hole in my clothes, but no puncture wound. I wondered if I didn't just make up the whole thing. Maybe my shirt got snagged on a branch and I fell and got knocked unconscious.

But I couldn't truly believe that because the asylum...it felt _so_ real. I couldn't believe that it wasn't. All the smells and the sounds, which was mostly silent, but a very loud, pressing silence. And the very slow padding down the hall of the other patients, faces straight forward and unseeing with their caretakers monitoring them, which was all seen through a wired glass screen in my door.

I got to my feet, a bit unsteadily, and made my way back to the house, trying to make sense of what had happened.

Charlie got home around eight, while I was making spaghetti. I was still a little confused, a little out of it, so I didn't want to make anything extravagant. I was standing at the stove, staring at the spaghetti in the pot without really seeing it, while I slowly stirred with a fork. Round and round and round...

"Bells?" I heard Charlie call through my daze from the front door as it opened.

"Uh, in here," I called softly, shaking my head and trying to come back into reality. "Dinner will be ready soon," I said as Charlie came into the kitchen.

"Sounds good Bells," he said smiling, "And will Edward be joining us?"

"I think so..." I replied dazedly.

"Hey, are you okay?" Charlie asked, frowning with concern, just as a knocking came from the door.

I nodded vaguely in his direction as I crossed the kitchen and made my way to the front door. I really needed to talk to Edward about what had happened, but it would have to be later. I opened the door to his breathtaking beauty, and now butterscotch colored eyes, which never failed to amaze me, even in my distant state. He smiled at me from under the orange porch light glow, and took my hand as he stepped in and shut the door.

"And how was your day love?" he asked softly, as he hugged me, my face pressing into his chest and inhaling his sweet scent. This helped me snap out of my reverie a little bit. I frowned.

"I need to talk to you later," I told him quietly.

He held my shoulders and pulled me back a little bit to look at my face, smile gone now because of the tone in my voice, with his perfect marble forehead creased from his furrowed brow. "Why? What's wrong?"

"Later..." I said distractedly, looking back toward the kitchen where Charlie was waiting for us. We walked back and while Edward went to sit across from Charlie, I went back to stir the pasta. I wasn't sure, it could've been my imagination, but I thought I felt a slight pounding in my head. This wouldn't be surprising, considering all the confusion and violence of the day, but somehow I didn't really think it was just the average headache. I went back to moving sluggishly, picking up the fork and just stirring it with what I was sure was a very vacant expression.

"Bella? Bella!" I heard from Charlie behind me and I went to turn.

But as I did, I was no longer in the kitchen. I had turned around back to a white room filled with doctors and counters with vials and needles and prescription bottles. And there was a man sitting at one of the metal counters, with all kinds of medications and needles and medical utensils in front of him.

The man looked exactly like Phil, strangely, except he was wearing a long white clinical coat with an ID badge and a few pens. He smiled as he said to me, "Come on. It's time for your drugs," and he reached over the counter to grab a bottle. My breathing started escalating, because I _hated_ taking my drugs.

But then reality switched over again, and I was still standing at the stove, staring at a very concerned Charlie, and an even more concerned Edward, who's eyes were anxious.

"What!?" I exclaimed, my voice louder than it had gotten all day; a near yelp.

Charlie frowned even more as he repeated, "I said, if I didn't know any better I'd think you were on drugs!"

"O - Okay...good," I muttered, feeling more disoriented than ever as I stared at the floor around me, shaking my head slightly side to side, trying to clear it of this recent reality change.

Charlie just shook his head, and, with one more worried glance shot at me, went back to looking at the table. Edward, however, continued to look at me intensely.

I walked over to the cabinets to get out some plates, and Edward got up to come and help me. "_What,_" he demanded when he was close enough to my ear so Charlie couldn't hear, as he took two plates from the cabinet and set them down on the counter, "Is going on?"

"I...I don't know," I said lowly, "Later."

"_Later_," Edward near growled, "Had better come soon."

Edward dished out some pasta (which was rather overcooked) for Charlie and I, and we started eating. Well, Charlie started eating while staring intently at me, while I mostly just pushed it around on my plate, waiting for Charlie to finish so Edward could "leave" and I could "go to bed". Edward started making small talk with Charlie to distract him from me and make him eat faster. From the small part of me that was actually paying some attention to my surroundings, I heard the underlying impatience in Edward's voice, which was very well concealed, though I knew him too well to not catch it.

When Charlie was finally done, he informed me he'd be watching TV. I wasn't paying attention until he mentioned Renee. "And remember Bella, you're going to have to tell Renee about your wedding sooner or later. If I were you, I'd do it sooner."

I glanced up in time to catch a look on his face that was set in a grim mask, imagining the horrors that my task would no doubt ensue. Charlie had been surprisingly good about the whole thing. A bit disapproving sure, but fairly amiable. Much more so than Renee would be. My head started to pound again at the thought, and I looked back down to the table.

"My head hurts," I said, standing up suddenly, the most abrupt move I'd made all night which caused Charlie to jump slightly; almost imperceptibly. "I'm going to go to bed. See you tomorrow Edward," I mumbled, turning to him as he kissed my forehead after repeating the same thing to me. But as Charlie meandered on to the living room he whispered, "I'll be waiting," before making the show of walking out the front door.

I walked up the stairs with my muddled thoughts quickly, _really_ needing to tell Edward about the demon. I didn't know what was going on, but that asylum was _too_ real for comfort.

I walked into my room to see Edward sitting on my bed. He stood up immediately to grab my hand and pull me down and into his lap. "What's going on?" he asked, brushing a hand through my hair.

"I...I don't know," I said. "Today I was just...I just went a little way up the path in the woods. And then this _thing_, this demon I guess-"

"Woah, wait!" Edward said, pulling back to look at me. "What do you mean _demon_?"

"It was a demon. That's what I'd call it. It was all waxy looking, with these big black glistening eyes, and we got into this fight-"

"You _fought_ it!?" Edward said, a bit too loud. I shushed him, and he frowned at me, concern lacing through his eyes.

"Yes, I fought it," I whispered, "And I was doing really well, until this little poker thing came out of it's middle knuckle and stabbed me in my right arm."

Immediately, Edward grabbed my right arm and went to look at it. His eyes zeroed in on the puncture in my clothes, but there was no wound to see.

"It's no use," I said, "When I woke up it, and the demon, was gone."

"Wait, what do you mean when you woke up?"

I breathed in and let out a big breath of air and look intently at the slight pattern of the cotton in his cream colored shirt. "Well...that's the thing. The part that's worse than the demon."

"Worse than a demon?" Edward asked flatly.

I ignored him as I continued. "When the poker thing stabbed me...I...I guess it injected something into my system. Because as soon as it stuck me, I was...I wasn't here anymore. I was...somewhere else. I know it had to have been a delusion, but it couldn't be. It was so _real_," I whispered, and I could feel the tortured expression on my face as I finished and looked up into Edward's eyes.

He looked back at me earnestly. "Where were you?" he asked me quietly.

I didn't answer immediately. My eyes went back to tracing the pattern in his shirt. Edward touched my shoulder and shook it lightly. "Bella, honey? Where were you? Do you know?" he asked me anxiously.

I took a deep breath, before looking back into his eyes with my troubled ones. "An asylum," I whispered, fear coating my voice.

Edward's face darkened and he took in a big breath. "Okay," he said, "Okay. Get some sleep, and tomorrow we'll go see Carlisle about this _demon_ and what it's done to you. I think I've heard him talking about other dark things that walk this earth before. Maybe he'll know what this is."

I let in a shaky breath. "Okay then. Tomorrow we'll as-- ahhh!" I cried softly, grabbing my head as I doubled over and fell to the floor.

"Bella!?" Edward asked anxiously, but his voice quickly faded into someone elses.

"Bella? Bella can you hear me?"

I looked up, scared and confused, to stare at this newer, calmer voice. I was back in the hospital, in my loose grayish-white clinic garb, kneeling in the corner of my white room. The speaker was a black doctor, complete with the long white coat, sitting on a low stool close to me.

My breathing came closer and closer to hyperventilating as I looked around me, dazed again. No, no, I didn't want him to speak to me. I wanted the doctor to go away. I didn't want to be here, and I was confused as to how I came to be.

With my breathing quick, I asked the doctor shakily, while looking at the floor in confusion, "Wha - What is this?"

"Do you know where you are Bella?" asked the black doctor in a low, kind, calm voice.

I stared at him, completely bewildered, but in a frightened way. "F - Forks," I whispered. "My home."

"No Bella. None of that's real, none of it," said the doctor gently, but in a way that sounded like he repeated it often. "Your in a mental institution. You've been with us now for nearly two years Bella. Do you remember?"

I looked up at him slowly, in horror. No, no, I'd been living in _Forks_ for nearly two years.

My head spun as I entered my room at Charlie's house again. "Bella?" I heard Edward ask me anxiously again. He reached out a hand toward me and -

Suddenly it wasn't his hand. I was back in the asylum, and it was the black doctor reaching out for me.

"No..." I mumbled brokenly, as I scrambled in my corner, trying to distance myself from this man, but there wasn't any more room to distance myself from him with. I tried though, I tried, as I frantically grappled at the walls with my hands, shaking violently again, and turning my head away from the doctor as if that would make him disappear; if I couldn't see him, he'd go away.

The doctor stopped reaching for me and pulled back quickly. "It's okay, Bella, it's okay!" he said, trying to reassure me.

I looked back at him slowly, with dark, confused eyes.

"Look!" said the doctor. "Look who's here to see you!" and he turned his head toward the door of my room. My eyes followed slowly.

And then there was Renee. And Charlie. Together, like they were. Something in the back of my head told me they weren't divorced. Not here, not now...not yet.

"Bella?" asked my lovely mother, kneeling in front of me slowly, and smiling at me as if I was a delicate beauty, despite my dank hair that hung limply about my face. Charlie crouched behind her, looking at me with intent, but loving, eyes.

I gave an inaudible gasp upon seeing them, and my shaking grew worse, as I looked upon them with disbelieving eyes.

"Welcome home sweetie," said Renee softly, smiling, as a lone tear rolled down her cheek.

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Dun dun dun. Well, review please! I do so love them.

-**The Romanticidal Edwardian**


	3. Delusion

**Disclaimer: -sigh- I don't own Twilight, or Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and any plots I might've gotten from it)**

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"Welcome home sweetie," said Renee softly, smiling, as a lone tear rolled down her cheek.

"M - Mom?" I gasped, my voice soft, puzzled, and trembling.

"Oh baby, you're really here," Renee said lovingly, as a few more happy tears slid down her face.  
"Dad?" I whispered, beginning to smile in amazement, and turning my eyes to him now  
"She's lucid!" said the doctor in soft wonder, and my eyes immediately switched to him. "Keep talking. Maybe the sound of your voice will ground her."

His words instantly withdrew my amazed happiness, and I started staring at specific points on the floor, without really seeing. What was he talking about? About being...lucid? This couldn't be real. Not this. This couldn't be...

"Sweetheart?" started my father, "We've missed you very much." His words started my lower lip to trembling. Couldn't be real...Couldn't be real...

"Honey can you hear me?" asked Charlie. A tear managed to escape my eye as I gazed around. No..._no_...this couldn't...what was happening to me? My hands went to either side of my head, holding it, willing it all away. I just wanted it all to _go away_.

"Oh Bella stay with us please!" Renee cried, but it was too late. I was fading.

"Oh...no!" I moaned in pain, still in my head-holding position as I entered my room again with Edward. The spinning was confusing, but seeing my parents _together_ again...I didn't know if that hurt in a good or bad way. I didn't know anything anymore.

Images started becoming clearer and I could see my bedroom floor. My hands fell from my head.

"Bella?" asked Edward urgent voice. I looked up and he was there, kneeling in front of me on the floor. He took his hands and placed them firmly on either side of my face, his eyes searching mine. "Are you alright?" he asked. "It happened again, didn't it?"

"Yeah, but Edward it's alright. I'm okay," I assured him, still staring into his face. It was helping me; calming me a bit.

His mouth was still set in a grim line. "Well _I'm_ not okay. I don't like this, not at all. Maybe we should just go see Carlisle tonight - " he started, beginning to rise to his feet, but I grabbed his hand and stopped him.

"No! No, it's okay, not tonight. There's...there's Charlie, he's bound to check on me later, and Edward I'm...I'm just so tired," I said, my voice breaking on the last bit. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed tears to not come, but it had been a long day, and a few squeezed past my barrier.

I opened them back up and met Edward's topaz gaze. His mouth was looser and his eyes had softened a bit. "Alright love," he said quietly, "Get some sleep, no more worries. We'll see Carlisle in the morning."  
"Okay," I whispered, and he picked me up and set me in bed, tucking covers around me before lowering himself down next to me.

"Just sleep now, love," he whispered over and over in my ear, running his hand over my hair, slowly, continually, in a calming manner. "Just sleep."

And so I did finally slip into a dark and, thankfully, dreamless sleep.

* * *

I woke up groggily the next morning, and it took a few seconds of staring blankly at my ceiling to remember why I felt so sad, worried, scared, confused, and out in out _miserable._ When I did though, I let out a groan, and rolled over right into Edward's chest.

"Well, good morning to you too love," Edward said playfully, humor dancing in his eyes, but something was being concealed behind it...Worry, perhaps?

"What's so good about it?" I demanded miserably, oh so cheerfully looking forward to a day that would surely be filled with only head spinning reality changes and perplexity.

The humor vanished from his eyes, and tightened with the worry I knew had been there all along. He nodded and sighed, "You're right," he said grimly as he sat up, "If you could take your human moment now, that'd be good, then we'll go see Carlisle. You can eat at our house, I'm sure Esme has something she's bought for you before. If you don't mind, I'd really like to see him soon. If he has any answers, I want them."

"Why didn't you just go while I was sleeping?" I asked.

He looked at my pensively. "I considered it, but I really didn't want to leave you alone, for numerous reasons. Plus, I'm sure you can describe what's going on - all of what happened with the demon and what you're seeing now - marginally better than I can. Carlisle is bound to need details."

I nodded, and jumped up quickly, grabbing whatever my hands touched first and rushing to the bathroom. I decided to skip the shower this morning, and just brush my teeth and get dressed. I hope the whole time I wouldn't have another spaz attack, and thankfully I didn't. My head remained pounding-free.

I walked back to my room, and without a word Edward picked me up and flew with me out the window. He went a small distance from our house, until we reached his Volvo hidden off the road in the dense shadow of a few huge trees.

"Why...is this here?" I asked, bewildered.

"Well, after I 'left' your house, I really didn't want to take up all the time of returning this home, and then running back. As you recall, I wanted to know what was going on. Well, _still _want to know what's going on, really. But anyway, after, as I already said, I stayed with you all night."

"Oh," I muttered, feeling foolish. I could've figured that out. I mean, hadn't he been in my room before even I was? And hadn't I gone straight up the stairs to my room?

"Don't feel silly," Edward said, as if he could read my thoughts, "You're a little out of it, you have an excuse."

I didn't comment, and the rest of the ride fell into silence. With Edward though, it was rarely awkward.

As soon as we arrived, Edward was at my door and picking me up.

"I can walk," I grumbled. "This isn't necessary."

"Well, I disagree honey," Edward said lightly, "I think this is rather a matter of importance and rushing _is_ necessary. Here you are," he finished, and set me down outside Carlisle's study. I hadn't even realized we were running.

Edward rapped quickly on the door, and we heard Carlisle tell us to come in. We entered and I saw him talking to Esme from his college dean's chair, while she sat on the corner of her desk with her arms folded casually. It looked like a nice little chat, but as soon as she saw me Esme immediately slid off the desk and approached me.

"Bella dear!" she said warmly, wrapping me in a quick embrace, "You look hungry. Would you like anything?"

"Um...just some hot tea, if you have any, thanks," I mumbled.

"No problem honey," Esme said before flashing me a kind smile and whipping out of sight.

"Is there a problem Edward?" Carlisle asked after Esme had whisked out of sight, frowning slightly at his extremely worried son.

"Yes, actually there is," Edward said, tense, "And I hope you can help. Bella, would you mind informing him about the demon now please?"

"Demon?" asked Carlisle incredulously, his frown deepening as his eyes switched over to me. "Bella, if you'd please?" he asked kindly.

And so I told him about my fight with the demon. He looked impressed while I described how I was doing well during the fight, but became concerned after I told him how the demon had stabbed me. He started to get up, but I stopped him. "It's no use Carlisle," I said quickly, "It's not there anymore." And I took a sip of some chamomile tea, before setting it down again on a nearby coffee table. Somewhere in the midst of my story Esme had come back, and she was now leaning against the wall, listening intently to my story.

"Hmm..." said Carlisle, "Yes, I thought I smelled something off in your blood system today, but it was so slight I thought it might've just been - "

"Medicine?" finished Edward, his arm around my waist tensing slightly. "Yes, that's what I thought it was too when I first went over to her house. But after she had the episode in the kitchen, I had second thoughts."

"Episode?" inquired Carlisle.

"Yeah, that's the trouble part," I said, "I've been having these flashes...hallucinations, I guess. It was like...No. It wasn't _like_. I _was_ in an institution. There were doctors, nurses..." I faltered slightly, remembering. They all waited patiently. "Patients," I whispered. The ones I saw still haunted me...so zombie like. So familiar. "They...they told me that I was sick. I guess crazy. And that," I took a deep breath, "Forks and all this...none of it was real. I had never lived here. And I guess Charlie and my mom hadn't either."

Carlisle chuckled humorlessly. "What, you think this isn't real just because of all the vampires, demons, werewolves, and assorted other mythical creatures that shouldn't exist but do?" He smiled wryly.

"I know how this must sound," I said, "But it felt _so real_." I was whispering again by the end of my sentence.

"Well we all believe you Bella," Carlisle assured me, and Esme nodded in confirmation as Edward gripped my waist tighter.

I took a deep breath. "My," and I paused, furrowing my brow as I chose my words, "Parents, were there. Together. Charlie and Renee, and I don't know how I know, but I just do know that they weren't divorced. But...they were going to be. And, I think that's what landed me there in the first place." As the words tumbled from my mouth it was like another person was speaking them, but I knew that they were true.

They all stared at me for a long moment before Esme spoke again. "Carlisle, do you have any idea what did this to her?"

"Well, I have a theory," he said, as he stood up and made his way over to his book shelf. He spoke while he scanned it. "I recall reading something about a demon that I think just might be our guy. If I'm right, then Edward, you're going to have to go get it and bring it back here. You'll be fine alone, and Esme - "

Carlisle continued talking, but I was fading. I gulped, and suddenly I wasn't sitting in a chair in front of Carlisle's desk, but instead curled up in one in front of the black doctor's desk. My parents were in a chair next to me, and the doctor was behind his desk. My eyes were trained on my barefoot, and I tried to keep them there, as I tried to make sense of the doctor's words, but still remember my reality in Forks.

" - Possibilities for a full recovery, but we have to proceed cautiously," he continued. "I'f we're not careful - "

"Wait," interrupted my mother, "Are you saying that Bella could be like she was before any of this happened?"

"Mrs. Swan," began the doctor in a kind voice as he stood up and made his way to the front of his desk, before leaning against it. He was in between me and my parents, but closer to them, and addressing them. "You have to understand the severity of what's happened to your daughter. For the past nearly two years she's been in an undifferentiated type of schizophrenia."

"We _know_ what her condition is," said Charlie roughly, "That's not what we're asking."

I felt so out of touch here, like I knew I was here, and it was real, but I was seeing it through a haze. Because apparently, my mind was somewhere else. I struggled through it though and squinted over at Charlie. Everything, though so dark, seemed so bright. Bright because maybe...it _was_ real. No...

"Bella's delusions are multi layered," said the doctor. "On one hand she believes she's a normal girl, nothing too extraordinary. But that's only on the outside. On the inside, she believes she's different; special.. She purposefully makes herself, in her mind, unrelatable to other humans. _Humans_. But that brings us to the next level. She's created intricate latticework to support her primary delusion. In her mind, she's the central figure in a fantastic secret world beyond imagination. To her, non humans are her only friends. She believes she has a vampire boyfriend, that she created to be perfect; just right for her, that has some special temptation to her blood. In her mind, she is special in a way that allows a block from his powers and various other vampires'. And also, she has a werewolf best friend. And there's a little love triangle between the three of them, that she caused to make things more...interesting to her. Along with other things, she's also created enemies. Vampires mostly. In her beloved system she's created something called the Volturi, to add to problems. It's all very thought out and planned, so even her werewolf pack has intricate inner workings. And all of this, and all of her friends and enemies she's created are as real to her as you and me. More so, unfortunately. And together they face grand, overblown conflicts, and face trials of love and friendship. But every time an adventure ends and we think we're getting through to her, more enemies appear and she's - "

"Enemies," I muttered, remembering something through my daze. The conversation stopped and they all looked to me. "Demon...that...that _demon_ this to me!" I muttered frantically, trying to raise myself off the chair.

"No no!" said the doctor and my parents, as the doctor eased me back into my chair. "Bella, Bella it's alright," said the doctor soothingly, until I was sitting again. I didn't have the strength to fight, but I was more fidgety and confused than ever. "They can't hurt you here," continued the doctor, "You're with your family."

"Edward," I whimpered, "Carlisle, Alice, Esme..my family. And...Jacob..oh, Jacob what have I done to you? Oh..."

"That's the Cullens' right, and her friend, the werewolf?" asked Renee with concern to the doctor.

"Yes, that's some of the Cullens'," he said. "The family in her mind she's about to join, as a vampire herself. And her friend Jacob, that was never really a main character until recently. She invented him to recover from the loss of her lover, which was an elaborate scheme she invented to finally make them realize how much they needed each other. Those were the few months that she returned to us, briefly, if you recall. But she brought in Jacob to bring her back to her world. And in her mind, she ended up falling in love with him, when all she wanted was a tie to that place in her mind."  
"But now, things aren't that comforting there anymore, are they Bella?" inquired the doctor gently, finally addressing me directly, "They're coming apart."

"Bella, listen to what the doctor's saying, it's important," said Renee urgently.

"Bella, you used to create grand villains and schemes to go against. Trying to save your mother by encountering your first enemy, James. Running to the Volturi, to save your Edward. Going against Victoria, and her army of..newborns. But what is it now Bella? What's the danger? The enemy? Just...one lost friend? There's no danger there anymore Bella. No more adventure. Just pain."

My breathing was coming faster. I didn't want to listen. My ears felt stopped up, but still I couldn't tune them out. What he was saying...how my imaginary life was falling apart more than ever. Wait. No. Did I just say _imaginary_? No. No! My life in Forks...was real...but what he was saying...made so much more sense.

* * *

And now, enters the doubt. Okay people, all I'm asking is for you to PLEASE review! For those of who are authors of your own fan fiction, you know how much reviews mean. It'll take less than a minute of your time, and I'd super appreciate it. So please! Just click that little button and write something for me? Thank you! Plus, next chapter is where you learn something, ah, VERY interesting. And reviews make me update faster.

- **The Romanticidal Edwardian**


	4. Doubt

**Disclaimer: -sigh- I don't own Twilight, or Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and any plots I might've gotten from it)**

* * *

I looked down at the photograph in my hand as I sat on Edward's massive sofa. It had been an hour since returning from my episode, and Edward was still talking to Carlisle in his study. Maybe more about the demon, maybe about me. I wasn't sure, and I couldn't bring myself to be too concerned about it. I was desperately trying not to think, but that plan was about as good as wrecked. Especially with the picture in my hands that I was staring down at.

It was of Charlie and Renee. They didn't really have alot of pictures of them, back when they were young. And this one was of the three of us, me being just a baby at the time. I was in my mother's arms, sleeping, and she was looking as happy as could be in the newly-painted yellow kitchen. Charlie was next to her, his arm around her shoulders, smiling his crinkly-eyed smile that made him so attractive. It seemed like a peaceful, happy time, and I loved it. I had come across it while cleaning not too long after I had first moved here to live with Charlie, and he said I could keep it if I wanted. I had left it in Edward's room once, and that's why it was still here.

I continued gazing down at it, seeing but already having memorized it. It was just so _happy_. I put my elbow on the couch's arm and leaned my head in my hand. A lump had formed in my throat for some reason, and I was blinking back tears. My throat was constricted painfully.

"Bella," said a musical voice - Edward's - as he entered the room. I didn't look up. "We believe we've found the right demon that attacked you, and I'm going to go look for him later tonight, after you're asleep. Carlisle and I were discussing how I was to go about capturing it. It's weak in alot of ways, but stronger in others. Apparently, that stinger's venom can penetrate a vampire's skin, and while the toxins in it is dangerous for humans, it's also paralyzing for vampires. It's unbelievable. It can also move faster than it let on to you too." I could hear the frown in his voice as he spoke of these impossible things, and forced myself to shake out of my stupor and look up at him.

His eyes immediately filled with worry and fear, at whatever he saw in my face and eyes.

"Bella?" he whispered, sitting down next to me fluidly and grabbing my hand. "Bella listen to me sweety. It's going to be okay! The demon's stinger carries an antidote to it's own poison. That's why I have to capture it. So I'll do that, then we'll make the antidote, and you'll be okay, alright? It'll be fine, you'll see."

I ignored his words.

"I feel...so lost," I said in a muted voice that was slightly hoarse, so quiet it was good he had vampire hearing. My eyes didn't meet his and I stared unseeing at his carpet. I could feel his helplessness at my words though.

"I - I know," he whispered, "You're confused. It's that crazy juice inside you."

"It's more than that," I confided in him softly, immediately. In my peripheral vision I saw Edward's brow contract slightly, waiting for me to continue.

"Even before the demon," I started, still in my muted tone, sitting up slightly more and placing the picture in my lap but still gazing at it. I could feel Edward's quick eyes flash to it and back. "I've been so detached."

"Well, it has been a tough time," he commented quietly.

"Everyday, I try to snap out of it..." I continued, barely hearing him, "...Figure out why I'm like that."

"Bella," said Edward firmly, and in a much louder voice than we had been using. "Look at me."

I swallowed against the tears that were starting to form again and looked up at him.

"You are _not_ in an institution," he continued, in a slow and firm voice, "You have _never_ been in an institution."

His words caused more tears to form, unfalling from my eyes, blurring him around the edges. He had no idea why his words had caused such a reaction, but it was time for him to find out. Why, exactly, all of this was just so damn hard.

"Yes I have," I told him brokenly.

"W- what?" he asked after a moment, completely thrown off. His marble forehead was creased throughly from his furrowed brow, and his eyes told all his confusion and bewilderment.

I looked away from his eyes and down at the picture again. I took a deep breath. "A few years ago, back when I was fifteen," I started, swallowing hard, "I was going through some...really hard times. Everything was just starting to pile up. I was taking care of everyone else, I saw a few things I wish I could just forget, and everything was just going _so_ wrong. I tried...I really did, and one day it just got too much. I was just so frustrated, so depressed, that I punched my mirror, and it shattered everywhere. That part wasn't really what was so bad, except that the shards sliced my hands, and...well you know I faint at the smell of blood. I collapsed in the pile of glass and got really cut up. Renee came home and saw me like that." I paused, remembering.

"She got so scared, and _completely_ freaked out," I let out a small half-laugh, but it hardly counted as such. It was shaky and trembling, my voice breaking as I continued telling my story. "So she sent me to a clinic. I sortof...retreated inside myself for about a week. They thought I was going to be there a while, but I snapped out of it and just started acting normal again around them. They let me go about two weeks later, and eventually Renee just...forgot about it, or blocked it out. And everything was back to normal, at least for everyone else." By now, my tears had broken free and were falling silently down my cheeks.

"God...you never said anything," Edward whispered, his face as broken as my voice, "And that's horrible...I can't believe that happened to you." His cold hand caressed my cheek softly, wiping away my tears.

It did nothing to restrain the hint of hysteria starting to beat through me.

"What if I'm still there?" I sobbed, looking at Edward's eyes now, "What if I never left that clinic?" My voice raised a few octaves in hysteria, stress, depression; doubt.

"Bella," Edward said, caressing my hair and pulling me into his chest, where I sobbed unrestrainedly, "Bella, you're _not._ I'm..." he paused, and he sounded as though if he could cry, he would be, "_So sorry_ you had to go through that. But, i - it's the past. Alright? The past, you've got to trust me. We're going to get you that antidote, it's going to be fine." He hesitated, "Maybe...maybe I should just go track that demon now. We really need that an-"

"No!" I half-shouted, my voice strained, "Don't leave me! Please!"

"Okay, okay," he said quickly, soothingly, his hands rubbing cool circles on my back. "I'll stay. I'll go tonight. It'll be fine...it'll be fine, you'll see."

I just swallowed thickly. As long as he was staying. He _needed_ to because if he left...I was going to succumb.

Succumb to the part of me - growing larger- that _didn't_ believe him.

That didn't believe that any of this was real.

* * *

Okay, I know it's short but that's for two reasons. 1) I thought the impact of this scene deserved it's own chapter and 2) I'm tired, and I wanted to post something, because I know I haven't in a while.

And so the mystery continues! Review to help me update, and find out more next time! the plot is thickening...

- **The Romanticidal Edwardian**


	5. Deteriorate

**Disclaimer: -sigh- I don't own Twilight, or Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and any plots I might've gotten from it)**

* * *

It was sometime later in the night that I woke up. Edward was gone; gone to get the demon. I rolled over and closed my eyes again, but it was no use. Besides, I didn't care too much to fall right back into my nightmares.

My mind was wondering as I stared at the ceiling. This was a dangerous activity; thinking was only fueling the fire for my doubt, burning strong in half of my fastly detaching mind. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to believe, I didn't know what to think.

So I didn't. But it was rather hard.

I was here now, though, in this reality and I desperately wanted something to do, something to hold on to. Half of me held strong to my conviction that this universe was real. And if it wasn't...then what did I have left?

But what to do for now?

Unbidden, words of Charlie's rose in my mind. Something he had said yesterday, (had it really only been yesterday? Well, I guessed it was after midnight so the day before yesterday then):

_"And remember Bella, you're going to have to tell Renee about your wedding sooner or later. If I were you, I'd do it sooner."_

Yes. I could do that. The wedding was proof, it was an anchor. But could I really deal with my mother's disappointment right now? But I don't think I really had a choice.

I turned my head over to look at Edward's bedside table. Sitting there was the small silver cell phone he had gotten me. Lying next to it was a note.

_Saw that you wanted to call your mom. If I were you I'd probably want to wait for Edward, but do what you have to do._ _Just so you know, me, Jasper, Emmett, and Rose are going hunting again, but farther away this time. We think you and Edward need some time to yourselves, and I promise to not keep tabs on you or him for now. But Carlisle and Esme are still home if you need anyone. Good luck and get better soon!_

_- Alice_

I picked up the small cell phone and stared at it for an immeasurable length of time. I was so detached already right now...well, I had been for a while, but still. Maybe this would make it easier. Maybe I should wait for Edward. But if I was crushed by my mother's reaction, did I really want him to be there?

I flipped open the cell phone and dialed Renee's number. She answered on the third ring.

"Bella?" she asked in surprise. "Is something wrong?"

I took a deep breath and forced my voice to not sound lifeless. "No mom, everything's great actually." That was almost funny, and I suppressed a kind of manic laughter building up inside of me. "I just have some important news."

The other end was silent for a moment. And then came the cautious, "Yes?"

I inhaled deeply, then let it out. "I just wanted you to know...Edward and I are getting married on the 13th of August. And it would mean alot to me if you were there."

All I could hear was silence. I counted to 30 slowly, and my heart's rate seem to decrease as well. Maybe I wasn't so detached as I thought...

"Mom?" I asked.

I heard a quavering breath from the other side. "Bella," she said shakily, and I could hear a thousand emotions behind the small word. "How. Could. You? Have I taught you nothing?"

"Mom, please - " I started to whisper brokenly.

"No." She cut me off. "Bella, just...what happened? What happened to the mature, responsible girl I raised? You promised me you would never do this! You promised you would never make the same mistake I did!"

"It's not a mistake," I whispered.

"Ha!" I heard her give out another shaky breath. "I just...I can't believe this. I can't talk to you right now Bella, I'm sorry. Just...let me call you back, okay? Please, I can't have this conversation right now."

"Mom - "

"No. Not right now. Bye," she said furiously, though trying to repress it, and cut off the phone.

I let my hand drop slowly, the phone falling from my lax fingers. I felt some kind of emotion lapping at the edges of me, but I couldn't decipher it in the protectiveness numbness that had reared up to save me. Something was building, but I wasn't sure what.

"Good-bye," I whispered into the empty space that surrounded me. There was no answering sound. It was deafening, and I couldn't take it.

I got out of bed and threw on a gray jacket and sweatpants, with a white shirt. It didn't matter how I looked, I just needed to get out of here.

"Bella?" asked Esme's surprised voice from the spacious front room as I made my way to the front door of the Cullen mansion.

"I'm just going out. I'll be back soon," I told her hollowly.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" she asked, unsure, "In your condition?"

"It's not like I'm going to drive," I responded. "My car's not even here. I'm just going to walk around for a bit. I'll be back soon."

"I don't k - " she began, but I didn't give her a chance to finish as I opened the door and walked out.

There was an almost full moon out tonight, and everything was bright. I could see perfectly. I stood for a moment on the front porch, wondering where I should go. From behind the house, I could hear the sound of the rushing river. That was perfect. I headed there.

There was a path behind the house, where the entire side was made of glass. I could feel Esme's worried gaze on my back as I walked down the path, and probably Carlisle's too if he looked out a window. But then the path curved sideways to meet the river, and the trees and darkness enveloped me to where I was no more to even their sharp eyes.

I found the rushing river, twisting and turning softly. Without thinking, I just began to follow it. My feet pounded on the ground, and I stared at the intricate winding shapes in the water next to me. As long as I just kept looking at it, following it, as long as my feet kept treading this path, I was safe. My mind would not go back to the waves of pain that I was keeping at bay. I was not succumbing yet.

I let go of all time in this moment. When I finally looked up at the sky, the moon had moved slightly, and I knew I had come a long way. Where I was, I wasn't sure, but I had the sneaking suspicion that I was on the -

"Hey Bella," said a voice quietly, coming out of the shadows of the trees.

Suspicions confirmed. This was La Push.

I took a deep, unsteady breath before I looked up into eyes that could surely break me in my piteous state.

"Jacob," I answered just as quietly. He walked over and stood in front of me a few feet away. His hands were in his pockets, his posture slouched, and his face shadowy as the moon silhouetted him.

"How - how have you been?" I asked awkwardly, not sure I wanted to hear the answer.

He shrugged. "I ran away, but I'm back now."

"You ran away?" I whispered. I didn't even want to ask why, since that was a stupid question.

He nodded, eyes downcast. "After your...Edward sent me the invite, it was just really hard. But Bella, if you want me to go..." he trailed off.

"Invite?" I repeated blankly.

He looked at me, surprised. "He didn't tell you? Well, figures, I guess." He shook his head, and said slowly. "I'm not sure I can do it Bella. I don't think I can go, even if you did want me to."

I swallowed hard and nodded. "Understandable," I murmured, looking at the ground as well.

"It's just..." and I heard his voice starting to crack at places, as if he were holding back tears. "I want to be your friend, still. I'll always love you, you are so important to me. But you never will be mine, and knowing that you're with..._him_, and there was never anything I could do...it's just too much, and I can't _stand_ it! I haven't just lost you, but I've lost your soul as well. I thought I would be okay, you know, but my feelings arena't going away, and everyday thinking about you is just so damn hard! I guess it's kinda funny...I think I really understand that whole thing with hope and Pandora's Box now, you know?" he said, starting to laugh, but it was hysterical and bordering on tears. And like the flick of a switch his tumult of words and emotions finally came crashing out and his knees hit the dark ground, his shoulders shaking with sobs.

"Oh, Jake," I whispered brokenly. This was all my fault, but my protective side came out anyway. I started forward, my arms outstretched to embrace him, trying vainly to dull his pain.

But he looked up as I approached.

His face shone with tears, and his eyes were slightly wild. "Don't!" he cut out harshly.

I froze. "Please," he added, in a kinder voice, "I just...it's too much to take." He took a deep breath. "See you later Bella. Or not. I really don't know anymore." And then he took off running.

The body is an amazing thing. It's supposed to take orders from your mind, but it rarely does. While my mind just wanted to lay down and sleep, and maybe never wake up so I would never have to deal with the dam threatening to break down all around me, my body realized I just couldn't do it. So without my knowledge or my consent, I had turned around and started walking back to the Cullen mansion. My mind was becoming significantly numb as my feet hit the ground again. I wasn't sure, but I thought I could feel tradition forming; or perhaps just a silent kind of mantra.

I don't really remember the long walk home. I don't really remember what everything looked like. I don't really remember walking through the door of the mansion. I don't really remember walking back up to Edward's room. It was hard to really just remember who I was. I don't know how long I sat on his bed, but I did not sleep, and the sky finally lightened outside the glass wall. My position was just leaning against the headboard, my legs curled up underneath me, my hand resting as a fist on my chest, as I thought of how everything was falling apart.

Edward walked in a little after the sky lightened. I didn't glance up, but from my peripheral vision I could decipher he was holding a mug of something.

"I captured the demon," he said, "And Carlisle is making the antidote right now. In the meantime, I brought you some tea," he said, as he sat down in front of me.

"Thanks," I said softly, vaguely, staring unseeingly as the ripples in the bedspread, the same ones I'd been staring at for hours now. Seeing that I was not about to move, Edward placed the mug on the side table. He sighed.

"I'm okay Edward," I said quietly, my fingers softly playing with a stray string on my jacket.

"Yes, the thousand yard stare really helps sell that," he said in a muted tone.

I still didn't look away from the golden ripples. The shadows they cast underlaid every other color, but in their depths textures seemed to be born.

Edward sighed again and reached out to tuck a stray hair behind my ear, and stroke my face. I closed my eyes, as he gasped softly.

"You're burning up," he said incredulously, and I finally looked up at him through dazed eyes.

"Coming apart," I breathed, not really in his conversation. My breath was starting to come quicker as I spoke, the emotions kept at bay lapping at the sides of my deteriorating mind again.

"What's coming apart?" he asked.

I closed my eyes tightly and swallowed hard. "We have to try harder. Make things better," I said with conviction, my voice a bit stronger.

"We _are_ trying," Edward began hopelessly.

"This thing with Jacob. This whole guilt, insecurity thing," I started fiercely.

"What?" he asked, astounded. "Bella, no it's this fever. You're not coherent and you're not really making sense."

But I suddenly made the quickest movement I had in days, leaning over suddenly and gripping his arm tightly. "We _have_ to deal with these things Edward," I said firmly, my eyes glinting. His eyes widened. "We - "

Fever. Headache. Spinning. _No._

"You don't have a lover Bella," Renee said looking at me, gently yet firmly, trying to make me believe. My eyes flashed around quickly, confused, before looking at her again.

"Edward," I said immediately, wondering. He was just here...

"No honey," Renee said, rubbing soothing circles on the back of my hand. "Say it. It will help you believe it."

I looked back into her brown eyes, so like my own, except hers were full of life and concern. In the reflection of her glassy eyes, mine were confused and dead. I had to be like her. I had to do whatever would help, and she told me to say it...

"I...I d-don't have a lover," I repeated, the words foreign on my tongue as I gazed into her chocolaty eyes that gave me the strength needed to spit them out. But then I realized. She just didn't _understand. _I had to tell her, make her understand.

"No, no he's not my lover," I said, talking to her, my words coming quicker, my breathing heavier, as I fought through my explanation in a world where I shouldn't even be able to talk. "He's so much more than that. He's my soul mate mom, and my fiancee."

Renee, whose smile had been encouraging a moment before, faded. She glanced over at Charlie, sitting on a chair next to us on the bed.

"It's your mind," he told me softly. "It's your mind just playing tricks on you."

"You're just you Bella," Renee said. I shut my eyes and my mouth pulled down as I fought against the well of tears. "You're just our little girl. Our one and only. There's no one else with you but us."

I opened up my eyes again and looked at her, her voice radiating so much love and emotion.

"We've missed you _so much_," she told me, smiling a watery smile, gripping my hand a bit tighter. "Mom and Dad just want to take you home and take care of you sweety," she told me as she stroked my face. I closed my eyes as I felt her relaxing touch.

I opened my eyes as she pulled away, staring a few moments. She was right there; so warm and comforting and familiar. I reached out my hand to stroke her face.

And then I was stroking Edward's, and his eyes were full of unbridled pain.

I gasped shakily and pulled away quickly.

"I'm not there," he said, as I tried to suck in a deep breath and looked down. It wasn't a question.

"What?" I gasped out, closing my eyes and shaking my head slightly. My mom...my mom that loved me in that life, that wasn't disappointed in my failure...she'd been right there...

"You said it a second ago," he said quietly, gazing at me. "You don't have a lover."

He stood up.

No...why was this happening? It was falling apart all around me. I gripped my head tightly and leaned forward. "No Edward," I moaned, "I didn't...I didn't mean..."

"I'll - I'll be right back. I'm going to go check on Carlisle and that antidote," he said briskly, and walked out swiftly, some deep emotion underlaying his words.

I kept my head in my hands. What else did I have to hold on to?

After an immeasurable length of time, I sat back up into my former position. Leaning against the headboard, legs curled up, hand on my chest, a reassurance that my heart was still beating, and I stared out the window this time. It was sunny today.

This was how Carlisle found me hours later.

"Hey Bella," he said, smiling kindly at me as he walked with a mug. "Got delicious antidote goodness for you."

I looked at him a moment, uncomprehending. I'd been so out of it. "What happened?" I asked, a little hoarsely.

"It took a little longer than I hoped," Carlisle admitted, coming to stand next to me and handing me the mug. I took it from him. "But it's done. The antidote to this juice inside you. Just, when it's cooled drink it all down and everything should go back to normal." He smiled at me.

"Thank you," I told him. I looked away briefly, swallowing thickly, before looking back. "I really fucked it up with Edward didn't I?" I asked hollowly. "I thought he'd bring me this."

Carlisle remained smiling softly. "It's not your fault Bella, Edward realizes that. I think he's just not sure if he wants to risk hearing anything else you might have to say before your alternate reality disappears. Don't worry; I'm sure he'll be by to apologize later for his behavior. It's not your fault," he repeated. And then he left.

As he made his exit I started to lift the cup to my lips, but stopped right before they touched. If I drank this, it would really all go away. My mother would still hate me, this disappointment that I am. Jacob would still be miserable, and I would live forever with that guilt. And I would never stop hurting Edward. At every turn, at every word from my mouth, from every tear from my eye, to every god damn traitorous expression to flit across my face I caused him _pain_. Carlisle could say what he wanted. It was my fault. All of it. And it might not even be real. Was that why it hurt so much? Because it wasn't real?

I closed my lips tightly. Slowly getting up, I walked over to the bathroom. Inside, I walked unsteadily straight for the sink. Standing over it, I took the mug in my hands, and slowly, slowly, poured the contents down the drain.

My jaw was clenched in determination, and I awaited the spinning.

"Bella?" asked the doctor, standing at the foot of my bed.

"I don't want to go back there," I told him immediately, my voice scared and trembling. I looked from him over to my mother and father, watching me with the fresh makings of hope.

"I want to be healthy again," I said, my voice shaking with tears. My mother and father both glanced over at the doctor, with cautiously hopefully expressions. I looked over at him to.

"What do I have to do?"

* * *

Another chapter! Only expect one or two more, then the story will be complete. So could everyone who reads this, PLEASE just leave a little review? It's seriously not even going to take you that long. You could say "Good job." "Bad job." Monosyllabic answers are fine, even if they're not preferable. Just let me know.

- **The Romanticidal Edwardian**


	6. Decision

**Disclaimer: **Don't sue, simple as that.

* * *

"Please," I sobbed to my parents and the doctor. "Please, help me! I want to go home…I wanna go home with you and dad."

"I know Bella," Renee said, exuding calmness. "But first you've got to get better."

"It's not going to be easy, Bella," said the doctor, "You have to take it one step at a time. You have to start ridding your mind of those things that support your hallucinations. You understand?"

I looked up at him from playing with the collar of my shirt, my eyes solemn.

"There are things in that world that you cling to. For your delusions, they're safe holds, but for your _mind,_ they're traps" He smiled encouragingly at me and continued softly. "We have to break those down."

"W - what do…do you mean?" I asked, fleetingly afraid of the answer. No, have to get better, _have to_…

"I'm talking about those things that you want there. What keeps you going back. Think real hard. What is the main reason you continue to go back to your world?"

I looked at the bed sheets, then back to him. The answer was obvious.

"Edward," I said hoarsely.

"That's right," the doctor whispered, smiling at me; proud. "Last fall when you had your momentary awakening, who was it that pulled you back in?"

"Jacob?"

"Well, he's gone now," said the doctor softly, "But no. You still had lapses, even with him, that returned you to us Bella. Who made you stay again permanently? _Your Edward_. He pulled you back in."

I looked back down, swallowing hard.

"He's not really your boyfriend, Bella," Renee said, stepping in. "He's just…a trick, keeping you from being healthy again."

My breathing was becoming harder again. The doctor leaned over the bed, bracing his hands on it and looked at me very seriously. I avoided his gaze.

"_You_ have to do _whatever_ it takes to convince yourself of that Bella. _Whatever it takes. Find a way to break away from that place._"

Oh God….how was I going to do this? How was I going to get through? How am I supposed to convince myself that my angel wasn't….isn't…

"Bella?"

I was downstairs now. I looked around dazed and confused, leaning against a doorframe. Had I walked all the way down here? Well, it didn't matter.

"Bella?" Edward asked again, looking at me concerned. "Did the antidote work?"

I was still looking at the floor, and I took a deep breath before looking up. I didn't know how I was going to get through what I was about to have to do, but I had to. I had to get better.

"Um…yeah," I replied. "Still a little dazed, but uh, I'll be fine."

"That's good," he said smiling at me. My throat constricted. _Get better, get better_.

"Bella," he began, real seriously. "I'm sorry, for before. I know it wasn't your fault…I just…well, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted that way."

There was no way I could do this. _No way_….But I didn't have a choice. There was only one way to rid myself of this life permanently. And Edward couldn't be around for that to happen. I felt sick, so sick, for what I was about to do to my lov - delusion. To my lovely delusion.

"No, you shouldn't have," I cut out harshly. He took a step back, his eyes widening, surprised. "But of course, you're _never_ there when I need you, are you? Leaving's your strong suit, I know."

I could see the hurt in his eyes. _Don't believe that, don't believe that_, I pleaded silently.

I took a deep breath, and spoke slowly, each word like poison, killing me. But then, that was good. That was the ultimate goal.

"I think I made a mistake," I started.

"Bella - "

"No. Let me finish. You're not…good, for me. I think…I think, I would be better off, if I was with Jacob. We talked last night, when you were gone, and I realized, I made the wrong choice. I can't be with you anymore," I finished looking dead in his eyes. That last part, at least, was true. If I had said, I don't _want_ to be with you, well…that'd be different.

He was shell shocked. He couldn't speak. Unbridled pain was in his eyes, his breath hitched. _Déjà vu_, except this time, it was reversed.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, and it took all I could to not jump into his arms, tell him I didn't care about getting better, I wanted _him._ The doctor's words echoed in my mind.

"_It's not going to be easy Bella._" Well, I knew _that_ from the moment he told me I had to give up my delusions. But, how can anyone anticipate this kind of pain?

"Please, just leave me alone," I told him quietly. "I'm going home."

I walked by him toward the front door. He made no move to stop me. Not when I'd said this was my choice. Tears stung my eyes and I forced them down. It'll be worth it, in the end…when I'm better. And I can be with my family, and they'll love me, and I'll know I never caused any _real_ person any pain. It'll be okay…

But how could he believe me? I was such a bad liar, he should see right through me. But the nagging voice in my head said that this was what he'd been expecting all along anyway. He wasn't going to look closer. I walked out the front door, and stopped dead. My car wasn't there, I was remembering now.

"I'll take you home," Edward said quietly, from behind me. His face was composed now, but there was no hiding the pain. I wondered what he saw in mine.

I bit my lip. More time with him? That was just more opportunities for me to not get better. But what choice did I have? It seemed like that was happening a lot lately.

I turned and walked toward his Volvo. In my enlightened state, I wondered vaguely what made my subconscious give him a Volvo. It's not like I'd ever thought about them that much. But it didn't matter. It'd be over soon. This life, it would be over.

I got in the car, and looked out the window. My imagination was really amazing. For a made up place, everything was so bright; so vibrant.

Edward got in and started the car. Soon, we were speeding toward my house. Five more minutes…five more minutes, and I could go home. I _will_ break away. Nothing could stop me. Alice shouldn't be watching, Edward would be gone, Charlie wasn't home…Yes, I could do this.

I did not glance at Edward once. That was not going to help anything. It was a welcome sign of relief when the house came into sight. I made my mind refuse to call it, 'my house'. _Let go of everything that's keeping you here,_ I thought to myself. _Do whatever it takes._ Whatever it takes.

We pulled up, and I closed my eyes briefly. When I opened them again, I could feel my determination. "Leave me alone please," I said again, and got out of the car. He didn't answer.

I walked toward the door to my house slowly. Hopefully, what I needed would be in there. Anything else wouldn't do. It wouldn't be fast enough. On the chance that Alice did have a vision, there had to no help that Edward could give.

I opened and closed the door to my house, walking into my house. Even from this end of the hall, I could see it. Beautiful.

Charlie's gun seemed to be glinting as I approached where it hung in the kitchen. I picked it up and weighed it in my hands. Fully loaded, as per usual.

Slowly, I cocked the hammer on the gun. Slower, I raised it to my head.

"I suppose I should've guessed. Alice called," said a low, furious, voice, with an edge of fear. I closed my eyes. I was so close. I turned around, gun still to my head.

"I told you to leave me alone," I told Edward in a flat voice. His gorgeous eyes showed his fear, concern, and fury. I saw his brow contract slightly as he looked at me.

"You didn't take your antidote," he said, surprised. But it wasn't a question. I said nothing.

"Bella, please listen to me," he said, talking fast. "Put the gun down, you're hallucinating right now!"

"I know," I told him stoically. "You're just a trap for my mind."

"Bella," he said, his voice strained, "That asylum, and those people. _They're not real._ Please, don't do this! How could you?"

He probably could've got the gun out of my hand faster than anything. But maybe he didn't want to take the chance. My finger was pressed down slightly on the trigger as it was. One false move, one jerk on my finger, and I'd be gone.

"Bella," he said softly as I didn't answer. "Look at me." I could feel tears welling up again. Why was he making this more painful?

"I'm right here," he went on, taking a slow step forward. I immediately took a step back and he stopped.

"And you are too. You are. And I need you and I _love you Bella!_ Damn it, _somewhere_ inside, you _must_ know that's real!"

"Sure it is," I said immediately, my voice dead and cynical. "Because what's more real?" I looked down briefly. "A sick girl in an institution?"

"Don't Bella," he pleaded. "Please listen - "

But I continued, _not_ listening, cutting him off. "Or an abnormal girl, with an amazing vampire lover and a werewolf best friend, with all kinds of wild, adventurous things happening to them?"

I stopped talking there, taking in how that sounded. I looked up at Edward, at his pained expression, and I breathed out a laugh. "That's _ridiculous_!" I informed him, disbelief coloring my tone.

"_And_," I went on forcefully, "No matter what she does, no matter how much shit she puts him through, this amazing guy _still_ loves her more than anything?" I laughed another maniac laugh again. "Yeah! _That_ makes sense," I growled.

"Bella," he began, once again, so much love and concern filled in my name, that I had to close my eyes again. It was so hard, I _wanted_ this to be real…

"It's okay Bella, don't stress yourself out," said the doctor's soothing voice. I was back in my bed at the institution, the doctor and my parents crowded around me.

"Honey, take your time," Renee said softly.

"Make it as easy on yourself as possible. There's nothing wrong with that," said the doctor, relaxingly. My eyes closed and I gulped and nodded, trying to control my thrashes and whimpers as I destroyed the only world I thought I'd ever known.

"I hate you!" I screamed at Edward, my reality switching. "Just _GO AWAY! You can't be here!"_

"I love you Bella," he told me. "I love you. Put the gun down, _please_, sweetie, I need you here with me."

I was with the doctor and my parents again, sobbing. Jumping up from my bed, I ran to the corner, throwing myself against it, thrashing. No, no, no, how could I leave him? My parents and the doctor called my name.

"Bella, it's gonna be okay sweetheart!" Renee cried, frightened. "What ever it is, it's not real, remember?"

I was whimpering, breathing heavy, tears streaking down my face.

"Just keep _concentrating,_ I'm right here sweetie," said Renee, walking towards me slowly.

"Bella, please believe me." I was with Edward again, and he was still talking, telling me things I did and didn't want to hear. "I love you. I love you more than anything. But," he said, quieter, calmer still, " Even if you do kill yourself right now, I'll find you again. This is real, Bella. I'm not leaving you."

I pressed down a little harder on the trigger, my eyes wide with fright. What was I doing? Getting better….No, not getting better. He'd find me, he'd find me. No! My parents, this wasn't real…_need to get better!_ Not real.

"Shut UP!" I screamed. "Just _shut up!"_

"I love you."

"I don't know," I breathed, back in my corner at the asylum. White, white, it was all so white. But it was darker than ever.

"Bella!" said Renee.

"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know," I repeated, softly, so confused. I didn't know what to believe.

"Look at me," Renee said, placing her hand on my arm. My breathing increased as I silently mouthed my mantra of 'I don't know'.

"I believe in you," Renee said fiercely. My head rolled back to strain against the wall as I hyperventilated, my eyes switching everywhere. I was losing it, totally and completely.

"You're a survivor, you can do this!" Renee said forcefully.

"I love you," Edward repeated again, as I looked in his eyes.

"Edward…" I sobbed, tears falling. But I bit my lip and looked down again, keeping my firm grip on the gun still to my head.

"Edward!" I screamed, banging my head against the wall of the asylum.

"Bella! Bella fight it!" Renee yelled, as my throat strained, my body jerking violently with indecision, trying to not go back; not go back in to fall in to Edward's arms. Trying to fight it.

"You're too good to give in!" Renee said. "You can beat this thing! Be strong, baby, okay?"

I whimpered and sobbed some more. I had to listen. I had to try.

"I know you're afraid," she went on as my breathing became more ragged, but slower. "I _know_ the world feels like a hard place sometimes. But _you've_ got people who love you!" Renee's voice was shaking now with the power of her emotions as she said this; as she meant this. "Your dad and I, we have _all_ the faith in the world in you! We'll _always_ be with you."

My tears had stopped she spoke, my breathing regular, almost not even there it was so slow and controlled. I wasn't shaking anymore.

"You've got, a _world_ of strength in your heart, Bella. I know you do," she continued. "You just _have to find it_ again! Believe in yourself!" she whispered.

Her hand stroked my hair soothingly, and it was like the flick of a switch. It all clicked then. I knew what I had to do. Her words had given me the knowledge, and the strength to continue.

I sniffed, and slowly turned my head to look straight in her eyes. I smiled slightly. "You're right," I said softly. "_Thank you…"_

Her smile was watery, and loving. I savored it.

"_Good-bye…" _I whispered, returning her watery smile, and I slowly lent my head back against the wall again. Her smile faded ever so slowly, as my word registered in her brain.

"Bella!" she cried. But it was too late. I was gone.

I gasped, and dropped the gun. "Edward?" I sobbed. "I'm so sorry!"

Next thing I knew I was cradled in his arms, and he was stroking my hair and shushing me as I sobbed, and placing quick kisses all over my face. "Sorry. _I'm so sorry!_ I didn't mean it, I didn't mean any of it! I'm sorry. I want that antidote now!"

"It's okay Bella," he said, letting out a laugh weak with relief. "You're back now. That's what's important. I love you. _I love you."_

"I love you too," I cried into his shirt.

His arms gripped me tightly. "We kept the demon in a spare room, just in case," he whispered to me. "Come on, we'll make you better for real this time."

"Yeah," I said nodding. "Yeah. Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Things are going to be better. I swear."

He smiled. "I believe you."

As we walked outside, his arms mostly keeping me up as my tears quieted themselves, we met the familiar gray, stormy sky of Forks. But as we drove back to his home, where my sincerest apologies would be given, I saw a lone ray of sunshine break through the clouds. Yes. Things were going to be okay.

* * *

The doctor shined the light through Bella's eyes. There was no pupil contraction. Sighing, he tucked his light back into his coat's pocket.

"I'm sorry, there's no reaction at all," he informed Mr. and Mrs. Swan. "I'm afraid we lost her…"

He bowed his head from his seat, ashamed of his failure, of this lost case. He had lost the girl, and just when they had been making such a recovery…But it was too late now. She was gone for good.

Renee sobbed, and Charlie's tears fell quietly as they embraced each other, looking down at the unmoving body of their lost daughter.

* * *

And yes, this is the final chapter! Story COMPLETED! And also, before you review (HINTHINT) keep in mind for those of you that thought Bella's switches from Twilight to the Asylum were confusing, good! It was supposed to be, to show you how Bella's feeling. Alright, so please please please PLEASE review! I would like to know how your reactions to my first completed multi-chapter story:D

Also, as you cansee, this story is up to interpretation. The asylum could've all been her imagination. Or Forks could be. It's up to how you want to take it. Regardless, Bella's staying the Twilight universe...

- **The Romanticidal Edwardian**


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